So our theme this week is planets. I’m sure anyone who knows my work was fearing a week of this kind of nonsense:
Ugh. There’s something particularly offensive to me about the lazy logic-free zone where the sun wears sunglasses. So I’m not going that low. But some of my planets may still be anthropomorphic because, well, I kind of think everything should be.
Mercury is the smallest planet because Pluto’s been bumped. It is not, however, the hottest, despite existing essentially up the sun’s Ray-Ban’d butt. That honor belongs to tomorrow’s planet, my personal favorite.
* Note: no facts that appear here have actually been fact-checked.