Tag Archives: Hell

Fresh-Baked Wednesday: “Marathon, Illustrated”

Curious about what it’s like to run a marathon?  Well, you’re in luck:marathon_sm

(That is, if you are a cartoon version of me.  The real thing was pretty much the same except with sweaty handfuls of SportBeans.)

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Awkward Moments: This Never Happened [day 4]

Get out the brain bleach!  It’s that Awkward Moments Classic for the ages:  Walking in on two people doing something they’re not supposed to be doing.

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Bonus awkward points if they’re your colleagues.

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February 6: Everything In The Same Place

Left my page at work.  It’s been that kind of day. 

When I got home, luckily, I found new inspiration in the aftermath of an exploded pipe (?) which led building maintenance to stack the contents of our apartment on top of itself while the carpet is dried out. 

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Look, I’m watching TV! Hahahahahhahahkillme

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January 25: Talking Points

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But then it got even better, because he charged me for the Grande, anyway.  These poor drones are trained to the point of lobotomization.  They can’t do their actual jobs, they’re so pumped full of other shit to remember.  Unless it was all an elaborate scheme to confuse me and steal my 20 cents.  Curses!

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January 9: Raiders of the Lost Suck

Not to get all autobiographical on you all, but yesterday I received a long-awaited and very exciting package — a bunch of copies of my new book to sell at an upcoming event, hooray!  Except, see, it wasn’t my book at all, but some stranger’s.  What sits in this box is a hot mess that I don’t even want to think about.  Suffice it to say, the book I painstakingly created, designed, and paid extra for super quick shipping..[choking back heaving sobs of disgust]…is lost in space.  Anyway, here I am at the moment of revelation.jan91.jpg

You know the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Nazi dude’s face melts when he looks at the holy grail thing?  That was totally me.  Curse you, [popular online self-publishing service]!

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